It’s time to start blogging again. But this time around it’s going to be different. I don’t intend to use the blog to turn my life into a comedy for anyone reading. That was awesome, but I don’t need that type of social reassurance anymore. I’ve spent some time reflecting over the past few weeks, both actively and inactively, and I’ve come to realize quite a bit. My biggest realization is that I’ve allowed myself to become someone I don’t respect out of convenience. I’ve become lazy, content, and a creature of convenience, half-heartedly stumbling through life.
In order to regain my self-respect, I’ve decided to make a few small changes that have already begun making a big impact.
I’m back in the gym – and finally feel like I have extra energy to do the things outside of my job that make me happy. I don’t have any specific fitness goals (yet) but I’ve decided to spend the winter focused on lifting weights and begin running again in the spring. I spent the entire summer making excuses for not being fit and running 5k’s like I did last year. I want to get running out of my mind for now and start fresh with it next year.
I’ve started to think of others before thinking of myself. Not necessarily in general, but for the people that really matter to me. I realized recently that one of my past goals was to do a better job of remembering people’s birthdays. I’ve been failing miserably. I’m never on facebook and have no desire to become a junkie, but I did find a useful program that sends me a daily email with birthdays in it. Since I check my email at least ten times a day, this serves as a useful tool for me to do better in this area. I’ve also starting calling people that I feel I’ve lost touch with (that matter to me). Again, I’ve made excuses for not doing this like telling myself relationships are borne out of proximity and therefore I’ll be close with those that are close in proximity to me. That’s bullshit and I don’t want to think like that anymore. I’ve also decided to be more generous to the people I care most about, especially my family. For the first time ever I sent a care package to my sisters and plan to do that again this semester. I booked a long weekend trip for my parents’ 30th anniversary in Vail. They wouldn’t have done anything more extravagant than dinner because my dad lost his job recently (to hell with Accenture), but they deserve it. I worked with my brother and sisters to make it a gift from the kids.
I started reading again. I’ve always felt most powerful when I read books. The world is full of so much scattered information. I am on numerous blogs, news and financial websites daily and I’ve realized I absorb very little in this shallow bit-by-bit absorption of information. Reading (books, in particular) is the key to better understanding other peoples’ perspectives, something that I consider very valuable. Refusing or neglecting the opportunity to gain perspective is like putting life in neutral. Yeah, you might still be moving forward because of the momentum you had, but eventually you’ll slow and stop.
For some reason doing these things is helping restore my confidence. I used to be an extremely confident person – probably to a fault – where I believed I could do anything and be anybody. Graduating from college and beginning on my own opened my eyes to the reality of the challenge in order to achieve anything worthwhile. For some time now I’ve been allowing myself to believe I got off the bullet train that I was on and transferred to a moving walkway and rationalized thinking that’s just how it is. (Please ignore the fact that I’m actually always on airplanes, it is not part of the metaphor.) I’ve decided to get off the moving walkway (again, goodbye Accenture) and apply to new jobs and grad school. I’m working through the applications (I hate applications) and although my progress isn’t staggering, I definitely haven’t waited until the last minute. I have also made progress on the job front and may even have a phone interview tomorrow.
I’ve also decided that there are certain investments in life that are worthwhile, even though I was not brought up to see them that way. Spending a little extra money going out and networking is very valuable – although my parents would probably tell you it’s a waste of money. (On the other hand, going out and getting wasted is fun, but not an effective investment.) Take for instance, golf. Can I swing a golf club? Yes. Am I good enough to play with strangers and not be embarrassed? Not quite. Yeah, it sucks to shell out $60 to play a game that can be frustrating, but its necessary to practice and improve so that when the day comes where I need to network with my 9-iron, I won’t be too occupied with my swing to be effective otherwise.
What I’ve written here are just a few examples of my intention to play a more active role in my life and the direction it’s headed. I hope that I’ll continue to build discipline and bring meaning to how I decide to spend my time and that in doing so, I’ll learn new things that will lead to more excitement, happiness, and purpose.
