If you hear a woman screaming bloody murder at 3 am outside your hotel room, do you:

1. Call guest services and report it
2. Call 9-1-1
3. Run out to find a blood-soaked woman with her teeth knocked out (no joke, them shits was GONE) and frantically help her to the lobby
4. Assume she’s a hooker, roll over and fall back to sleep

Next time I’m going with #4